I have to preface this by saying this is going to get very personal, so if you dont want to read it i suggest you stop now. At the same time i am trying to get all philosophical which im not good at. if anything, my new friend nina has inspired me to blog about this transition that happened so recently in my life for the better. like, its weird to say that this is exactly where i want to be at in my life, as far as at this moment in time. furthermore it's weird to me that a decision i made two months ago has turned into exactly what i needed to lift me from the rut i was in and put me back on my feet...

the truth of the matter is in February of this year i had everything that i built up around myself in the past (nearly) 4 years come crumbling down (metaphorically of course). i had what i perceived to be a perfect relationship with a girl i was completely in love with. out of nowhere she came to me in december and said she wasnt happy, and i tried for two long months to not only reignite a spark in her but also fight for something that i thought was worth fighting for. ive been in many fights in my life (NOT bragging or proud of this fact) but this was the one fight i wish i could have won. but the fact is, there was no turning it around, there was no changing her mind for her heart was already made up and she was ready to move on. [her myriad of excuses are not worth repeating because i dont wish to paint her in a bad picture, i may have been bitter at one point but now i try not to hold any ill will.] so when the time came and she let me go it felt like i had nothing to stand on anymore. i made the mistake of putting her happiness in front of mine (a rookie mistake - my previous longest relationship was about 6 months), and in the long run i made too many sacrifices for her sake during those years and didnt really make a lot of decisions for myself. waiting for her to finish school i became complacent in life, and that in itself is a huge bum out to think about now.

so the hole was formed and i stayed in it for awhile. until one day a friend says "this isnt you, this bummed out emo guy isnt you at all. you're tim red. you're a fun loving guy. you always are so much fun and i hate seeing you like this." a spark was lit under my ass. the mission was simple - do something with my life and get out of this slump. but first, i had to get out of florida. and then thats when my best friend brian had a long talk with me about the possibility of moving out to denver. it took me three weeks to think over what my life would be like if i moved. i had to think of job oppurtunities (since the job market is terrible). i had to think about moving out of my comfort zone and into a place where i wouldnt be comfortable - at least not right away. I'd have to get used to not being around my friends or family that id gotten so close with in the past few years. and most of all, id have to get used to living for myself again instead of living for someone else.

but i made that decision and two months later here i sit and write this and i think to myself: i am a better man today than i was yesterday. i have made this decision for myself. i am finally living my life for me. i took a leap and i have landed on my feet running. im so motivated to make something of this transition that it has even surprised me. I've gone out and got a job within three weeks of being here through pure determination. i got a license, and switched my insurance over, and got a new tag and registration all making my residence here official. there are many more factors that have to come into play before this truly feels like "home" but i finally feel like ive made the right decision.

through life im guessing there are going to be many more tough decisions to be made. though this was probably the hardest decision i had to make in my life so far because it really did mean i was leaving everything behind to start a new life somewhere unfamiliar to me. I've had really good friends who have stepped up and made this transition easier. ive had strangers open their houses and hearts to me in ways i cant even begin to express my gratitude towards. and my family and friends that have been supportive every step of the way... my appreciation is uncanny.

in closing, my friend huffine said to me not too long ago: "ive been there before, the break up after the long relationship is rough. it took me close to 6 months to realize i just wasted 6 months". these words were motivation enough for me to not follow in that trend. august will be 6 months since my breakup, and i can honestly say that i have not wasted (all) that time wallowing, ive made a life changing decision and did something that was supposed to be for my happiness and so far its working. and it was definately worth it. every day is exciting and new for me. i cant wait to meet new friends and enjoy new experiences that would not have been made possible if i was still living for someone else. im not saying that everything is perfect just yet, but im making do with what i have and having a great time while im at it :)